When winning isn’t *really* winning….

A reflection on yesterday’s election ‘result’

Did you ever win something simply because the other players were shit?

Or even worse, because it was  ‘your turn’?

It’s an odd feeling isn’t it? Used to happen with me and my brother when we were kids.

“Just let him win now”

My grandma would say, as we played cards.

“Give him a turn!”

But it just didn’t feel right.

Felt fake, wrong, unfair!

Whether or not Klaus Swab is an evil nan giving someone else a steer of the WEF wheel, or Labour won on the basis all others were deemed worse, one thing is for certain, there is no real joy in this so-called victory.

Even the newspapers referred to it as a ‘loveless landslide’.

The enthusiasm, was similar to that mustered when I bagged a bottle of Blue Nun on the tombola at my son’s summer fayre.  You know you have to walk away with something but couldn’t it at least be the Lynx shower gel gift set? Chocolate Orange? Pot Pourri? Rose bath salts? Tweed FFS????

The result yesterday well and truly showed up the electoral system for all its flaws.

The farce it is.

Whatever your views on Farage and Reform, how is it fair that they took around five million votes, yet ended up with just five seats? That the Lib Dems ended up with more seats for fewer votes!

But some of us, like myself, tried asking for proportional representation back in the day only for it to be rejected. So, all we hear now is;

“But it’s first past the post”.

As though the way our lives are governed should be likened to a panting Labrador down the park, chuffed because he returned the stick before the blind Poodle.

But….the fact remains that IS ‘the system’ and that’s precisely why so many of us, including me now reject it. We have seen too many times how skewed it is. We decided the answer to the system is not ‘more system’.

Keir appeared sheepish, like he’d found a fiver on the floor in a shop and his conscience was pressing him to hand it in cause he knew it wasn’t his, but nah……you know what…..fuck it…….it’s only running the country…….…..they’d only spend that fiver on shit…..and me, well I’ll, I’ll, I’ll…….hm…..what will I do?

What will he do indeed?

What can we expect from the ‘age of Starmer’, the Savile fanboy whose name is an interesting blend of ‘stammer’  and ‘harm yer’.

A telling appointment to his TOOL kit cabinet was that of jab pusher Patrick Vallance. For a moment, I have to admit, when I heard the name ‘Vallance’, I was half expecting Holly to shuffle on all sultry belly dancer, after all doesn’t she have summat to do with politics these days? Oh…..hang on that’s the Tories……

What awaits us in this ‘new era’?

Forgive me glazing over, I’ve observed more refits than a box set of ‘Changing Rooms’.

For anyone unsure, the Labour Party stance during Convid offers clues. Remember how they acted? Wanting pretty much the same but more severe. Like the Daft Punk song, they wanted ‘Harder, faster, better, stronger’, crucially, minus the ‘better’.  If the Tories had flexed the muscles of the Big Brother state, Labour aspired to be body builders. An oily Mr Universe to the Tories chummy Geoff Capes.

So, here’s my take on where this is going now, and how it will be gift wrapped.

It will sound ‘empowering’ as, like in Scotland, ‘Children’s rights’ are championed - at the loss of parental control.

It will sound ‘progressive’, as environmental policies take centre stage, and we’re told we must drive and fly less unless we have the money to ‘offset’. (You know, money, that silver bullet rich people use to save the planet whilst waltzing around the world taking a giant tortoise sized dump on the rest of us.)

It will sound ‘inclusive’ as trans rights are prioritised over those of women.

‘Loveless landslide’ will become filthy mudslide and finally, stinking, incapacitating swamp. Observe as the nanny state tries to further engulf us, paddling our ailing canoe into territory with more gump than Forrest.

And as this happens, remember around 80% of us did not choose this.

Why 80%?

Because that’s roughly the percentage that did not elect them into Downing Street, either by abstaining from voting or voting for alternative parties.

But, hey……

‘That’s Democracy folks’

Hear it said in a grating Bugs Bunny voice at the end of a cartoon.

And realise, that’s EXACTLY what it is.

Our pathetic, unjust political system.

Time for the ad break, ‘folks’.

Won’t be quite as shiny as the show.

You won’t smile quite so much.

Will be mostly dull, some twat selling you shit. Convenient shit. Like that time you bought that courgette curler from The Shopping Channel that looked labour-saving but actually, was not only useless but cut your hands to fucking ribbons.

But, hey, in 4 or 5 years time, your favourite Looney Tunes will be back.

Enjoy your democracy.

After all, It’s what 20% of you wanted.

It was ‘their turn’.

*And I don’t give you anything extra for paid subscriptions. I don’t believe in it. You either pay because you want to support my writing and think it’s worth it/can afford to……..or you don’t.