When People Leave

Reflections and poems

It saddens me greatly when I lose those I care about.

Whatever form that takes.

Not just people.

Even my friend the feral cat stopped visiting these last few weeks. Summer beckons and the nearby meadows are teeming with scrambling field mice. More fun than a pouch of supermarket own brand cat meat and a saucer of milk!

How fickle cupboard love!

I guess I’ve served my purpose,

I told myself.

To him.

For now at least.

Sometimes we do.

Serve our purpose, our use to someone. Become surplus to requirements.

We can outstay our welcome, too.

If I like someone, it pains me to think I may have upset them or that there may be a misunderstanding needing ironing out. I am fiercely loyal and unless you’ve harmed me, I will return and try and take your hand time and time again.

Probably too many times.

Not everyone is worth it.

Our time and investment.

Not everyone wants to smooth things over or has the energy to try.

Some people are like books at the lending library. They’re meant to be returned.

To go forth and take their message on to others. Not all are keepers.

And of course, not everyone can come back. Death, is the ultimate loss. A friend of mine unexpectedly lost her husband recently. Seeing her posts as she soldiers on courageously with their two precious children is humbling.

But there’s no hierarchy.

You feel what you feel. Don’t let anyone trivialise your sadness or dictate how long you should stay in that state. It’s your heart not theirs.

No matter what the finer details or outcome, it’s worth remembering that love is never wasted.

Kindness is never wasted.

It’s a warm, healing energy and whatever the fate, it emanated all the same. Radiated.

From YOU.

Your love shone - affected a being, positively impacted the frequency of this fragile Earth - no matter how briefly. Never underplay or denounce it.

These poems are written reflecting on heartache, hurt, abandonment, loss and impending loss. Be it temporary or permanent. And often, we don’t know at the time which category it is.

We can only trust that’s what’s meant for us will return to us - in this life or what lies beyond, and that what we’re meant to let go of, we’ll do with grace.

I will put more about the individual meanings at the end.

If You Should Ever Let Me Go

If you should ever let me go

Do it the way a tide retreats at dawn

Slowly pull away, so gradually the shoreline barely feels the loss of ocean’s kisses

Til I notice, not the fading moon I shared my darkest hour with

But only playfulness of sun beams as they ride the backs of newly whispered waves

.

If you should ever let me go

Do it as a mother leaves a sleeping baby

Rock me rhythmically to the beat of your heart

Before gently unbraiding our cherished bond of skin

Leave your scent in the room, undisturbed by clearing winds that stalk the carelessness of open windows

Have me move my lips in murmurs, as I drink you in a little longer

.

If you should ever let me go

Do it as a cloud would disappoint a summer’s day

Approach with promise of a silver lining

Allow one last dazzling ray to enter me and linger

So I may comb our time unhurried, a prized garden

Savouring the drowse of bees and secret swirls of roses

Before I am alerted to the razor tips of thorns I never knew existed.

Before the inevitable onslaught of hard rain

Never Mine

He steeps my soul in mystery

His eyes invade my mind

Love knew no fleeting victory

For he was never mine

.

I taste his kiss on midnight air

Transcending space and time

His starving wolves encircle me

But he was never mine

.

Slumber tempers misery

Relieves this heart that pines

Tortured by the tragedy

That he was never mine

Reluctant Island

Becoming an island

Is not a choice

There is seismic shift

Rupture

Damage

Before departure

.

Never wanted to be one

But somewhere down the line

There’s disconnect

You’re set adrift

Let go of

.

You were always aware it could happen

At any time

What kept you there, never felt solid

Not like other people’s solid

It felt tenuous

Weak

Precarious

Shaky ground

But it was there all the same

The join

.

And one day

You look around for that flimsy strip of land, the piece that kept you dangling.

Holding on.

The part that attached you

Proof you were part of something bigger

A sign that you belonged

Only to find it gone

And standing in its place

A cold strait of blue.

Until I Realise

There is a pause when all is rose

When dreams obscure what logic knows

Until, I realise

.

Grief is a shadow yet to meet

My load is light, each breath is sweet

Until, I realise

.

And all at once, it’s like a rock

I’m shattered by what sleep forgot

I’ll live the day in aftershock

Because, I’ve realised

The Heart That Love Forgot

Tomorrow’s a new moon

They say the best time to start over

Should try to get my act together

One way or another

The cosmos shepherds people on

Down here, I’m rooted to the spot

Watching heavens through hell’s telescope

Me and the heart that love forgot

.

My eyes, they burn from crying

As my skin withers to leather

I swap my optimistic songs

For bursts of ‘Stormy Weather’

They say that everything must pass

But I can’t see it’s gonna stop

Treading quicksand in a no-man’s land

Me and the heart that love forgot

Not Everyone Can Stay

All roses lose their petals

Season has the final say

The dust of storms will settle

But, not everyone can stay

Meanings

If You Should Ever Let Me Go

When something ends, what’s better? A clean break or a gradual retreat? Most people would probably say a clean break but I think there’s something to be said for slow release too. Maybe. This poem explores loosening ties in that way.

Never Mine

This is about heartache that feels misplaced because you never really had someone in the first place. But who decides what ‘having someone’ is? Connection comes in many forms, right?

Reluctant Island

We start off as babies - hard wired to seek attachment, our survival depends upon it. Over time, our emotional experiences shape our expectations and responses. Many of us feel jaded as connections we value are severed, often multiple times. This poem likens the severing of emotional attachments to the falling away of land. We reluctantly become islands.

Until I Realise

Ever temporarily forgotten a loss or a heartache in the soft haze of waking up?

You feel content, everything is as it should be. Until it dawns on you, it isn’t. The reality suddenly smacks you in the face and you have no choice but to lose it all over again. Until the welcome anaesthesia of sleep.

The Heart That Love Forgot

Have you ever observed yourself pining and felt slightly humoured at how pathetic you look? This is about that. Trying to make light of feeling like shit to cheer yourself up. It came to me in song.

Not Everyone Can Stay

Nature is the best counsellor. After all, she goes through loss year upon year - giving her all……then losing it again. Stay generous in spirit, just as nature does.

I hope you appreciated these reflections and poems. As always, you can show appreciation for my writing by upgrading the subscription, buying me a coffee or leaving a thoughtful comment. I am grateful for all of you being here. ❤️

Images, pixabay.