Waves
A post for those who have experienced a fading connection
The image of you stutters and scrambles.
Fuzzes, distorts, becomes unfathomable, withdraws…….before reconfiguring again.
I’m losing you.
Receiving you.
Losing you.
Receiving you.
Losing you.
Receiving you.
Back and forth, it bats like a ball.
Reminds me of the way we used to try to get a picture to stay put on the old portable black and white TVs, back in the day. The ones with circular aerials and dials.
Remember those?
That ritual?
You’d fiddle with the damn thing, go sit down then 5 minutes later, have to repeat the process.
Adjusting
Hoping.
Adjusting.
Hoping.
Adjusting.
Hoping.
Bound to find that sweet spot if you just persisted, right? Bound to.
Oh, the time and patience it used to take!
Standing there, hovering over it, determined to hang on to what little signal was there. Tease it out. Trying so hard to get that picture to stay. Pin it down.
That faint, grey, shitty, unreliable, flickering ghost of a picture.
Felt like the heavens had aligned when all those bits came together and made something, didn’t it?
Only to have it disappear again.
And that’s how it is with you, now.
I’m trying to keep faith.
To retain an imperfect yet precious connection.
But it’s fading, slipping, diminishing.
I’m losing you.
Receiving you.
Losing you.
Receiving you.
No……I’ve definitely lost you.
Hell - thinking about it, was just a fluke when it did work, when I did manage to tune in!
Because, there were external influences I couldn’t control. Whatever I did or didn’t do never really made a jot of difference, did it?
And I tell myself, that even when it worked - that rippling energy, that pulsing magic that drew me in, kept me hooked, mesmerised, addicted……it didn’t matter anyway , because just like a TV show………it wasn’t real.
It was - you were - just a series of waves. Something was transmitted that was never really with me, just looked that way. Illusion. Waves that showed up fleetingly as sequences of inconsistent dots.
Physics, when I needed chemistry.
Could never be anything more.
You were waves.
That’s all.
Waves.
I think this one is pretty self explanatory. We make connections that can’t or won’t stay, don’t we?
And no matter how unreliable, untenable, unrealistic…..we loved them all the same.💔
In another note, I have always loved crappy tellies way more than their swanky flat screen descendents. As an adult in the 00s I owned one like I describe in the post. I remember when I went travelling leaving it by a skip cause I knew no-one else would want it because it was deemed an old relic.
The image of it, this old tin can of a thing, stood alone by the big skip, still haunts me, actually.
Probably should have put it in storage. I’m a sentimental old sod….
Connections in and out. How easily things can change, from excitement to blah blah blah!