The best day of my life was when I didn’t have to worry about when the bane of every woman’s existence would show up. I don’t have to worry about the umpteenth pair of panties I’ve ruined, my face going haywire because of hormones, an unexpected surprise(cause it showed up whenever it felt like it) My time is my own . I can plan vacations now without counting the days
Does not having one make me feel old. Hell no! My life is my own now. I’m free!!
I did it without drugs. It got rough. Hormones and hot flashes both were driving me bonkers. But I’m so happy now .
That's good to hear. I am currently in the throes and doing no meds - I would like just one night when I can sleep through without waking in a sweating mass.
I love you for writing this, it really needed to be said! The whole menopause awareness bollocks flapping about everywhere I look these days has been driving me bonkers. Sometimes I feel it's to put employers off the idea of hiring women 'of a certain age' because they think we'll bring our bloated baggage along with us and demand that our hormones be pandered to, but of course it's a grift by Big Pharma and so-called celebs peddling crappy books. At business networking events I have met several women who have suddenly set up s "menopause awareness trainers" who go into workplaces to lecture on the subject and I simply don't get it.
I embraced the menopause, yes I got a bit fatter but that's what elasticated waists are for. But how freeing it is to know I'll never have another period again, I don't have to spend a fortune on pads and I certainly have never given a thought to having HRT. I quite like the hot flushes because it saves me putting the heating on, and I haven't experienced any of the shite I keep hearing the insufferable Davina bellowing about. Plus, I haven't aged like they said I would. I might get a bit grumpy at times but that's more down to the state of the world, rather than a lack of oestrogen. Thank you, Julie. Long may you reign. 🙌
With you on the welcome warmth! I never had debilitating hot flashes, and even 20 years on my body temp mechanism has changed enough that I don't tend to be as cold as I did pre-menopause.
Oh, l love this post. I second everything you have said and appreciate the way in which you say it, so l laughed before l felt the fury 🤣🤬, is that my hormones or lack thereof 🤣🤣🤣. At 58 l am embracing my approach to Crone and l have already claimed her 💜🧚♀️. Menopause, thankfully hit me about 10 years ago … my PMS was worse than menopause, so l figure l coped it easier than some other women. Thanks again 🙏👏😊🌼
Yes, as females right from when puberty hits, there’s always something hormone related isn’t there?, PMT, issues around pregnancy (ie wanting/not wanting/ability to conceive/abortion/miscarriage) then menopause. Endless bullshit. I’ll be glad when it’s done with in many ways.😂
Once I was reading a CJ Hopkins essay and he used the term "pussy" to mean "weak," and I admonished him and asked him not to denigrate my cunt. I think he found this amusing (which was my intent) but yeah, I had women pearl-clutching at me over that.
Women are the worst over it. Because it’s used as a derogatory term. But we’re allowed to called men dickheads. I personally don’t get the double standards. People use all kinds of words in dual ways.
Why so precious over that? Does it make me hate mine or other women’s? Absolutely not. 🙄
I try to avoid all language that involves turning genitalia into pejoratives. Not always successfully, and “if my thought dreams could be seen” applies. But these kinds of sexualized insults often serve to pointlessly escalate conflict. And they also can be a kind of linguistic crutch. More imaginative insults please.
I don’t mean to be policing. Just my personal preference.
The biggest problem with “cunt” in the USA is men hurling it at women in anger and with overtone of violence. People use it quite differently in the UK, where it serves as a more general purpose pejorative.
Ah, that probably explains why they have just set up a "menopause" clinic in my office - loads of old bollox of course and no doubt so they can just tick some DEI/woke box!
My menopause days are long behind me now. I remember my desperate doctor visits. My gynecologist did me a big favor one day. He canceled my appointment after waiting for him for over an hour. I rescheduled, and when I saw him I explained my horrible pain and excessive bleeding. I guess he thought I was doctor shopping for pain meds. Which I could have any time because my ex-husband was always on heavy pain medication’s. No, I just wanted a solution so I didn’t have to take pain medication. So he advised me to try Advil. As if I wouldn’t have thought of that?!? I never went back to him.
But driving home at day I was introduced to a lovely homeopathic doctor named Dr. Royle in Las Vegas who was a guest on the show. Serendipitously he was discussing menopause. So I paid a visit to him and I am so glad I did. Through his natural remedies I never had one more day of pain or excessive bleeding.
Unfortunately, most women will be advised to take a lot of over-the-counter and prescription meds. I have several friends going through menopause at the moment visiting one doctor after another without any solution. A lot of money spent and one friend in particular is worse off after a bad reaction to one of the meds.
Thank you for this great information Julie! Delivered with your usual delightful flair of humor! You make reading fun. 💖💖💖
I’m glad you found a way through it. Yes natural remedies are always best aren’t they, when possible.
These are the sorts of things women in another time could ask each other, the wise women of the village ……well when they weren’t being burned as witches for herb dealing n stuff…..
Menopause is a natural phase. By all means take meds if you want. But not for me.
I do confess to being a tad upset when it looked like 'the time of the month' was no more. Only because that meant definitely no more babies. Not that I'd have had any more anyway as I'd got 19 and 20 year olds. But I COULD have had if I'd wanted.
Then, after a 4 month gap, a period appeared, but I knew that was it. The last one. And other than hot flushes (always between 11pm and midnight) I've been fine.
Don't need or want it highlighting in the workplace thanks. It's my business, not anyone else's, and it doesn't need sharing.
Unless a woman goes through it unusually early, employers will be aware anyway because of her age alone. Just as you know a teenager (either sex) is going through hormone surges, or a pregnant woman is.
From what I’ve been reading, women seem to fall into two categories, those who mourn their fertility and those who are pleased it’s done with.
Love this totally - and completely agree. When I have a woman (not a person!) tell me they are 'peri' I want to ask them when they feel they will be able to graduate to 'menopause' ... it's just quite weird how many women around me, who are generally aware of the rest of the sh*t show going on, seem oblivious to this new marketing ploy!
My doctor kept telling me I was “peri menopause” for a dozen years 😏 Turns out I had endometriosis and a mass of lumps with the total size of a six month fetus…
From one woman to another, thanks to you and your friend for this: “One friend told me she liked getting her period because “you can’t just carry on going up and up, can you? Its a relief to come down”. To her it was a welcome sigh. Release. I always tried to think about it differently after talking to her.”
She doesn’t live close by anymore but was such an insightful woman. The day she said that to me, I was like “yeah you actually have a point there” cause it’s like ‘permission’ to fold a little, isn’t it? Like wasps, sometimes we think these things are just annoying but babies aside maybe there is purpose there.
I bloody love you (pun intended!!). Though I will say that having 'celebrities' make it their meno-mission is actually a good in my opinion. To normalise conversations about something that only yesterday was Taboo is a step in the right direction. Even if its clobbered with commodity!! ❤️🔥
*a good thing (meno brain!! 🤦♀️). Also there's a missing stage between 'mother' and 'crone' which is called 'The queen phase'. Thanks patriarchy for fading that one out.....
It's probably all just building up to the transhumanist world where we poor uterus-havers don't have to suffer at all anymore, because we can be put on hormone suppressors from birth and babies will be gestated in machines. Because pharma cares.
Dear God I love this. I can't agree more with everything. Had such a good laugh. This: "It leaves the party like a stumbling drunk who keeps coming back to say, “Oh yeah…..and another thing….” - Took me back to riding down to L.A. with a bunch of women for the theater show "Menopause!" We laughed til we snorted in the car and although I wasn't quite there yet, little did I know I was heading straight for the $hit show. I had severe menstrual migraines for years so menopause stopped that, which was a bonus. I knew women who suffered in menopause and tried so many things prior to full surgery/hysterectomy - which was a really big decision back then. I respect whatever any "WOMAN" wants to do with their life - for me, I chose nothing but some vitamins and natural mineral supplements and rode the wave of hot flashes, some of them while shooting a long day. But then I was sweating anyways. Using us for big pharma gain is disgusting. I also refuse to use anything that promotes the killing of animals, like foals, while their mothers are agonized. The crowd that promotes this never thought of dropping a baby in a field. I went through three natural pregnancies, dropping the first like that in a birthing center and the other two faster in a hospital environment. It's agonizing and euphoric all at the same time - but no drugs for me. I'm fine with whatever anyone else chooses - but helping out these big money grabbers/advertisers has never been my thing. Thanks for this Julie. ox
Apologies for replying so late. Been a bit ill last couple of days.
Yes I’m surprised more people don’t question the pregnant horse thing, the fact that someone even thought that up, to try it is pretty messed up. My friend who does take it tells me there is now a synthetic version you can get. She’s a vegan and takes that version for ethical reasons.
I can totally relate te the migraines, I’ve had them for years myself. Went to the drs about them maybe 30 years ago and they said it’s just a hormone surge, nothing can be done. Oh well. At least they’ll be shipping out soon! :)
You look such a picture of health and vitality, Deborah, whatever you’re doing, you’re clearly rocking it!🔥
Awe, no apologies necessary! Being under the weather bites! I had so much of it the last few years. All we can do is ride it through. And yes, the horse thing my mum pointed out many years ago. I’m glad to hear there is a synthetic “choice.” I do hope your migraines go, as mine did with the big O because it was a bonus! I don’t know how I survived many of them when raising kids. You can’t drug yourself and go to sleep. Instead I tore my stomach apart, often a baby on the hip, shopping everything on the drugstore shelf over the years for some relief. It sucks. I kept working, shooting through all the crazy hot flashes and prayed there would be nothing else. I had nausea here and there too - but I knew women who suffered so bad they were completely upside-down. Surgery their only choice. I watched my dad work through every headache and arthritic pain and knew that keeping busy, despite, was the answer. I think it’s the answer to life. Stay busy and take a good rest here and there to appreciate rest. Especially with our creative minds. We can’t leave too much room to think unless, of course, it’s used for writing or creating! Throwing ourselves into life. I hope you have a peaceful weekend and feel a bit better and over the hump. oxox
Yes those migraines are intense, seeing colours, the whole deal. Just awful. Yes today I made it dressed and out so I am definitely on the mend. Hope things are okay with you too, and all the family, beautiful xx
Yes. no fun at all. I remember being so sick. I still get the occasional ocular migraine and 50-50 chance of a doozy headache after. Glad to hear your up and out 🙏🏻🙌🏻😘
I think your story title was the funniest thing I've read on substack!! A beautiful blend of clever and crass. I'm sending this to my bestie whos currently in throws of hot flushes and this will cheer her up immensely.
I believe so -we are all witnessing the options to enable all to make a choice - let it go or follow that path of pain.
Extraordinary humans are taking back their focus onto their own beautiful worlds they create with each other ❤️ as you are doing with your lovely prose and enlightenment of other paths and possibilities.
More people than we think but when performers are dying on their feet they talk louder and louder before they finally leave the stage to review what went wrong.
I’ll share this wonderful perspective with my wife, who is currently going through her menopause. She’s talked to me about how it’s affecting her physically and emotionally, and mostly she’s outwardly phlegmatic about it. And I thought I understood it. But having read this, I wasn’t 100% on the same page and some of the comments here about not necessarily wanting more children (we have three daughters, aged 16, 19 and 21) but still mourning the loss fertility definitely resonates.
Thank you for taking the time to write the article. And my Wife will DEFINITELY appreciate the title 🤣👌🏻
The best day of my life was when I didn’t have to worry about when the bane of every woman’s existence would show up. I don’t have to worry about the umpteenth pair of panties I’ve ruined, my face going haywire because of hormones, an unexpected surprise(cause it showed up whenever it felt like it) My time is my own . I can plan vacations now without counting the days
Does not having one make me feel old. Hell no! My life is my own now. I’m free!!
I did it without drugs. It got rough. Hormones and hot flashes both were driving me bonkers. But I’m so happy now .
Yay! You inspiration you!🔥
Queen!
That's good to hear. I am currently in the throes and doing no meds - I would like just one night when I can sleep through without waking in a sweating mass.
It’s one of the reasons I am not a great fan of summer. It gets too much.
I love you for writing this, it really needed to be said! The whole menopause awareness bollocks flapping about everywhere I look these days has been driving me bonkers. Sometimes I feel it's to put employers off the idea of hiring women 'of a certain age' because they think we'll bring our bloated baggage along with us and demand that our hormones be pandered to, but of course it's a grift by Big Pharma and so-called celebs peddling crappy books. At business networking events I have met several women who have suddenly set up s "menopause awareness trainers" who go into workplaces to lecture on the subject and I simply don't get it.
I embraced the menopause, yes I got a bit fatter but that's what elasticated waists are for. But how freeing it is to know I'll never have another period again, I don't have to spend a fortune on pads and I certainly have never given a thought to having HRT. I quite like the hot flushes because it saves me putting the heating on, and I haven't experienced any of the shite I keep hearing the insufferable Davina bellowing about. Plus, I haven't aged like they said I would. I might get a bit grumpy at times but that's more down to the state of the world, rather than a lack of oestrogen. Thank you, Julie. Long may you reign. 🙌
I totally agree with you about the heating. The amount we’ll save on bills.
Yes you’re right about the job thing too. Who wants some Unstable Mabel on the books?
It’s all about balance. Like everything we have to go to extremes.
Have stuff there for those who need it, let the rest of us just get on with it.
With you on the welcome warmth! I never had debilitating hot flashes, and even 20 years on my body temp mechanism has changed enough that I don't tend to be as cold as I did pre-menopause.
Excellent stuff. Bring it on! I guess I’d just like to be stable, to have a balanced thermostat. THAT I could like👌🏼
This is the article I refer to
https://www.bbc.co.uk/food/articles/menopause_food
Oh, l love this post. I second everything you have said and appreciate the way in which you say it, so l laughed before l felt the fury 🤣🤬, is that my hormones or lack thereof 🤣🤣🤣. At 58 l am embracing my approach to Crone and l have already claimed her 💜🧚♀️. Menopause, thankfully hit me about 10 years ago … my PMS was worse than menopause, so l figure l coped it easier than some other women. Thanks again 🙏👏😊🌼
Yes, as females right from when puberty hits, there’s always something hormone related isn’t there?, PMT, issues around pregnancy (ie wanting/not wanting/ability to conceive/abortion/miscarriage) then menopause. Endless bullshit. I’ll be glad when it’s done with in many ways.😂
Bring it on 😊🤣💜💪
Obviously I can't relate on a personal level, but I'll say this:
Only a woman (or maybe a Brit, for whom it's a term of endearment) could get away with using that word in a title. Kudos.
It’s one of my favourite words and it pisses me off when people try and say I can’t say it.
Once I was reading a CJ Hopkins essay and he used the term "pussy" to mean "weak," and I admonished him and asked him not to denigrate my cunt. I think he found this amusing (which was my intent) but yeah, I had women pearl-clutching at me over that.
Women are the worst over it. Because it’s used as a derogatory term. But we’re allowed to called men dickheads. I personally don’t get the double standards. People use all kinds of words in dual ways.
Why so precious over that? Does it make me hate mine or other women’s? Absolutely not. 🙄
I try to avoid all language that involves turning genitalia into pejoratives. Not always successfully, and “if my thought dreams could be seen” applies. But these kinds of sexualized insults often serve to pointlessly escalate conflict. And they also can be a kind of linguistic crutch. More imaginative insults please.
I don’t mean to be policing. Just my personal preference.
The biggest problem with “cunt” in the USA is men hurling it at women in anger and with overtone of violence. People use it quite differently in the UK, where it serves as a more general purpose pejorative.
Yes it’s used in many ways in the UK. I probably use it in all of them.
That’s just it isn’t it, personal preference. How it should be.
It really is context-driven.
Ah, that probably explains why they have just set up a "menopause" clinic in my office - loads of old bollox of course and no doubt so they can just tick some DEI/woke box!
Yes, I wonder if there isn’t a month, week or even a day these days that doesn’t have some marketing bollocks attached to it. Probably isn’t.
A menopause clinic...? Jesus.
My menopause days are long behind me now. I remember my desperate doctor visits. My gynecologist did me a big favor one day. He canceled my appointment after waiting for him for over an hour. I rescheduled, and when I saw him I explained my horrible pain and excessive bleeding. I guess he thought I was doctor shopping for pain meds. Which I could have any time because my ex-husband was always on heavy pain medication’s. No, I just wanted a solution so I didn’t have to take pain medication. So he advised me to try Advil. As if I wouldn’t have thought of that?!? I never went back to him.
But driving home at day I was introduced to a lovely homeopathic doctor named Dr. Royle in Las Vegas who was a guest on the show. Serendipitously he was discussing menopause. So I paid a visit to him and I am so glad I did. Through his natural remedies I never had one more day of pain or excessive bleeding.
Unfortunately, most women will be advised to take a lot of over-the-counter and prescription meds. I have several friends going through menopause at the moment visiting one doctor after another without any solution. A lot of money spent and one friend in particular is worse off after a bad reaction to one of the meds.
Thank you for this great information Julie! Delivered with your usual delightful flair of humor! You make reading fun. 💖💖💖
I’m glad you found a way through it. Yes natural remedies are always best aren’t they, when possible.
These are the sorts of things women in another time could ask each other, the wise women of the village ……well when they weren’t being burned as witches for herb dealing n stuff…..
I was fortunate. I remember my first visit was a lengthy 2 hour appointment, where it took me a half hour to fill out the questionnaire. T
Dr. Royal was genuinely interested in my well-being. 💜🙏✨
Menopause is a natural phase. By all means take meds if you want. But not for me.
I do confess to being a tad upset when it looked like 'the time of the month' was no more. Only because that meant definitely no more babies. Not that I'd have had any more anyway as I'd got 19 and 20 year olds. But I COULD have had if I'd wanted.
Then, after a 4 month gap, a period appeared, but I knew that was it. The last one. And other than hot flushes (always between 11pm and midnight) I've been fine.
Don't need or want it highlighting in the workplace thanks. It's my business, not anyone else's, and it doesn't need sharing.
Unless a woman goes through it unusually early, employers will be aware anyway because of her age alone. Just as you know a teenager (either sex) is going through hormone surges, or a pregnant woman is.
From what I’ve been reading, women seem to fall into two categories, those who mourn their fertility and those who are pleased it’s done with.
Love this totally - and completely agree. When I have a woman (not a person!) tell me they are 'peri' I want to ask them when they feel they will be able to graduate to 'menopause' ... it's just quite weird how many women around me, who are generally aware of the rest of the sh*t show going on, seem oblivious to this new marketing ploy!
My doctor kept telling me I was “peri menopause” for a dozen years 😏 Turns out I had endometriosis and a mass of lumps with the total size of a six month fetus…
Yikes. Not fun. Hope you’re through it x
On a happier note, I’ve had no menopause symptoms at all! (I’m 57 now). Love your writing btw…
Yes, all good thanks! Just pissed off that I have a cesarean scar even though I never had kids 😏
‘Graduation day’ hey? Do I get a certificate when I’ve been period free for a year?😂😂
Am I an undergraduate?😂
From one woman to another, thanks to you and your friend for this: “One friend told me she liked getting her period because “you can’t just carry on going up and up, can you? Its a relief to come down”. To her it was a welcome sigh. Release. I always tried to think about it differently after talking to her.”
She doesn’t live close by anymore but was such an insightful woman. The day she said that to me, I was like “yeah you actually have a point there” cause it’s like ‘permission’ to fold a little, isn’t it? Like wasps, sometimes we think these things are just annoying but babies aside maybe there is purpose there.
I bloody love you (pun intended!!). Though I will say that having 'celebrities' make it their meno-mission is actually a good in my opinion. To normalise conversations about something that only yesterday was Taboo is a step in the right direction. Even if its clobbered with commodity!! ❤️🔥
*a good thing (meno brain!! 🤦♀️). Also there's a missing stage between 'mother' and 'crone' which is called 'The queen phase'. Thanks patriarchy for fading that one out.....
❤️Let’s revive that one, lovely. Thank you for the reminder!
I've never heard of that. Look at what I missed 🙁
It's probably all just building up to the transhumanist world where we poor uterus-havers don't have to suffer at all anymore, because we can be put on hormone suppressors from birth and babies will be gestated in machines. Because pharma cares.
Completely agree with you there. Dependencies are being created.
Dear God I love this. I can't agree more with everything. Had such a good laugh. This: "It leaves the party like a stumbling drunk who keeps coming back to say, “Oh yeah…..and another thing….” - Took me back to riding down to L.A. with a bunch of women for the theater show "Menopause!" We laughed til we snorted in the car and although I wasn't quite there yet, little did I know I was heading straight for the $hit show. I had severe menstrual migraines for years so menopause stopped that, which was a bonus. I knew women who suffered in menopause and tried so many things prior to full surgery/hysterectomy - which was a really big decision back then. I respect whatever any "WOMAN" wants to do with their life - for me, I chose nothing but some vitamins and natural mineral supplements and rode the wave of hot flashes, some of them while shooting a long day. But then I was sweating anyways. Using us for big pharma gain is disgusting. I also refuse to use anything that promotes the killing of animals, like foals, while their mothers are agonized. The crowd that promotes this never thought of dropping a baby in a field. I went through three natural pregnancies, dropping the first like that in a birthing center and the other two faster in a hospital environment. It's agonizing and euphoric all at the same time - but no drugs for me. I'm fine with whatever anyone else chooses - but helping out these big money grabbers/advertisers has never been my thing. Thanks for this Julie. ox
Apologies for replying so late. Been a bit ill last couple of days.
Yes I’m surprised more people don’t question the pregnant horse thing, the fact that someone even thought that up, to try it is pretty messed up. My friend who does take it tells me there is now a synthetic version you can get. She’s a vegan and takes that version for ethical reasons.
I can totally relate te the migraines, I’ve had them for years myself. Went to the drs about them maybe 30 years ago and they said it’s just a hormone surge, nothing can be done. Oh well. At least they’ll be shipping out soon! :)
You look such a picture of health and vitality, Deborah, whatever you’re doing, you’re clearly rocking it!🔥
Awe, no apologies necessary! Being under the weather bites! I had so much of it the last few years. All we can do is ride it through. And yes, the horse thing my mum pointed out many years ago. I’m glad to hear there is a synthetic “choice.” I do hope your migraines go, as mine did with the big O because it was a bonus! I don’t know how I survived many of them when raising kids. You can’t drug yourself and go to sleep. Instead I tore my stomach apart, often a baby on the hip, shopping everything on the drugstore shelf over the years for some relief. It sucks. I kept working, shooting through all the crazy hot flashes and prayed there would be nothing else. I had nausea here and there too - but I knew women who suffered so bad they were completely upside-down. Surgery their only choice. I watched my dad work through every headache and arthritic pain and knew that keeping busy, despite, was the answer. I think it’s the answer to life. Stay busy and take a good rest here and there to appreciate rest. Especially with our creative minds. We can’t leave too much room to think unless, of course, it’s used for writing or creating! Throwing ourselves into life. I hope you have a peaceful weekend and feel a bit better and over the hump. oxox
Yes those migraines are intense, seeing colours, the whole deal. Just awful. Yes today I made it dressed and out so I am definitely on the mend. Hope things are okay with you too, and all the family, beautiful xx
Yes. no fun at all. I remember being so sick. I still get the occasional ocular migraine and 50-50 chance of a doozy headache after. Glad to hear your up and out 🙏🏻🙌🏻😘
I think your story title was the funniest thing I've read on substack!! A beautiful blend of clever and crass. I'm sending this to my bestie whos currently in throws of hot flushes and this will cheer her up immensely.
Bless you and thank you. Yes usually I’m rubbish at thinking of titles but I was quite pleased with that one. Hope it resonates with her :)
Couldn’t agree more Julie.
Misled people chasing money as their God just reinforcing a false narrative to keep us small and the truth of how powerful we are, hidden from us.
They know it’s not working anymore -
Must be terrifying being a fallen angel- especially when everyone has eyes on your fall.
The ‘god of money’ is surely coming to an end for ordinary people. Maybe it’s my age. I hope so though.
Long live the wise woman!
I believe so -we are all witnessing the options to enable all to make a choice - let it go or follow that path of pain.
Extraordinary humans are taking back their focus onto their own beautiful worlds they create with each other ❤️ as you are doing with your lovely prose and enlightenment of other paths and possibilities.
More people than we think but when performers are dying on their feet they talk louder and louder before they finally leave the stage to review what went wrong.
Bless you, lovely xx
I’ll share this wonderful perspective with my wife, who is currently going through her menopause. She’s talked to me about how it’s affecting her physically and emotionally, and mostly she’s outwardly phlegmatic about it. And I thought I understood it. But having read this, I wasn’t 100% on the same page and some of the comments here about not necessarily wanting more children (we have three daughters, aged 16, 19 and 21) but still mourning the loss fertility definitely resonates.
Thank you for taking the time to write the article. And my Wife will DEFINITELY appreciate the title 🤣👌🏻
Oh brilliant, that’s great. Yeah we’ll all have a slightly different take and time of things no doubt. New territory for every woman.