The All New Muppet Show

(Aka British politics)

When I was little, I used to get confused between ‘The Muppet Show’ and ‘Sesame Street’.

It was a different programme……yet similar.

They were shown on different channels. Sometimes, Kermit would even turn up doing a bit of moonlighting in ‘Sesame Street’…..or was it the other way round?

Aww……It’s not that easy ‘Bein’ Green’, is it?

Just ask Zack Polanski.

Being on rival networks at different times of day, they tried to cater to slightly different audiences. ‘Sesame Street’ had a ‘hippy teacher’ vibe, its content often moral or educational in tone. Focused on making ‘good’ choices or the diversity of the neighbourhood. ‘The Muppet Show’ on the other hand, attracted a marginally older demographic. The ‘plot’ consisted of meaningless grand announcements, amateur performances, infighting and diva like tantrums.

Both productions boasted a colourful cast, both literally and figuratively. Various skin tones and hair dos, a gobby one, quiet one, bossy one, crazed one, a reasonable one, a thick AF one, one you felt sorry for, a grumpy arsehole…..

The message was clear, whatever your taste, one of these freaks is bound to appeal.

Despite their superficial differences, it was also evident that the casts of both shows had something in common.

And one day in your childhood, you sussed out what.

Yes!

They were all created by THE SAME TEAM, The Jim Henson Company!

That’s right!

Despite being on different ‘sides’, they were essentially……..

PUPPETS MADE BY SAME MANUFACTURER!

Behind each ‘muppet’, was someone else you didn’t see. Someone with a hand up its arse.

And what was more, their raison d’être wasn’t helping you live your best life, but rather amassing wealth for a bunch of rich dudes.

Do you see where I’m going with this?

In 2020, many of us opened our eyes to the idea of the ‘left’ and ‘right’ being one entity. When the shit hit the fan, both ‘sides’ effectively wanted the same thing. They just had a slightly different way of going about it.

• We saw petitions and letters to MPs glossed over.

• We saw laws passed at warp speed and protocols ignored on the basis of ‘emergency’

• We saw nudge psychology weaponised and ‘dissidents’ vilified.

I felt hopeful that many, like me had finally seen through the illusion of the modern day political system.

In 2026, I’m not so sure.

It seems we have a ‘Fraggle Rock’ moment.

That’s right. Recycled muppets are back on the scene with catchy new ear worms. Old feel-good Blair classic ‘Education Education Education’ has been remixed as ‘Immigration Immigration Immigration’.

The reformed ‘Uncle Travelling Mat’ doesn’t write postcards home about the peculiarities and wonders of the wider world these days. No, he scares the bejesus out of folk by reporting on the evils of it. You are encouraged to fear your neighbour the way Fraggles feared Gorgs.

New problems have been created.

New ‘heroes’ platformed and catapulted skyward.

Why?

Because so many of us had unmasked the sham of Tories and Labour.

The aim, however, remains the same - technocracy and an evermore digitalised world in the name of ‘safety’.

Time to recap the basics.

A is for Automated

B is for Biometrics

C is for…..

CUNTS, THE LOT OF ’EM

U of course, is for ‘U-Turn’.

Just like Kermit’s flitting about, ‘Vaccine Tsar’ Nadhim Zahawi is taking a punt that maybe you’ll like his new show.

Thing is, I’m not five anymore. I’m no longer swayed by catchy titles and distracting colours.

Some of us have long memories. We remember what some of these characters did to sustain ‘the show’.

I have oft heard (and used) the cliché of rats jumping a sinking ship. And I get it. Why would any ‘career’ politician want to be on what they know is going to be the losing team? Whether that’s Labour or Conservative.

But if a political party is a sum of its parts, at what point does the ‘new ship’ become the ‘old ship’ albeit with a different name?

It’s time to have a closer look at who pulls the strings, who writes the scripts.

This means following the money, recognising that behind the ‘new show’ lies the same tried and trusted backers. And just like Henson’s company when they did ‘The Dark Crystal’, they’ve gotten better with the special effects and the scary stories.

‘The Muppet Show’ was always a hotchpotch of rehearsed chaos, bumbling apologies and interjections from haughty hecklers.

Before a final curtain.

You’ve seen the show before.

You’ve been entertained.

You’ve been humoured.

May I suggest switching off, and to whatever extent you feel able, unplugging.