Poems from the cusp of April

April is my birthday month and every year it feels as though the world is reborn with me, our energies charging in tandem, unstoppable giddy horses!

The character of April feels like a puckish fairy; mischievous and teasing. It beckons us out of the house, tantalising us with a rogue ray of ‘hm…..maybe’ before dangling an ominous rain cloud as soon as we actually get outside. Is it scarf weather? you wonder, before somewhere around midday, berating yourself as you peel off your many layers. The outlook can change in an instant, from moody petrol blue to glorious sunshine to a glassy blast of hail.

I enjoy walking in Spring, the paths aren’t yet overgrown or full of pesky flies and wasps. The air is inviting, fresh but not cold. Daffodils flank banks of green like stiff yellow flags whilst blackbirds hop around at your feet. I delight in sunrises spent watching deer and rabbits on my lane. There’s a long tailed tit that returns every year to make a nest. Well, if I’m honest, I have no idea if it’s the same one but hearing it tap upon my window is like greeting a dear friend, feels so old school Disney. Oh, now I have the exquisite ‘Little April Shower’ in my head from Bambi. TUNE!!!

I haven’t written that many poems over the last few months but it was a conscious decision, because in winter, writing them was making me feel more depressed. Misery is a churn of pain. Round and round it goes if you let it - but with no nice butter or cream at the end! No. More.

Spring is a stark green call from the Earth to regenerate and flourish, a warbling whistle of ‘wake up!’. Every morning I stand barefoot outside, legs apart and arms raised up to the clouds like a strong tree, rooted in my growing power, welcoming the bright new energy of the day. Works for me!

So, the poems. Some are a little introspective but most are written from a place of reverence and gratitude.

I will put the meanings at the end, that way you can read them or simply ascribe your own to them. I have posted them in the order they were written. You will probably get a sense of the shadows gradually lifting, a season changing.

Whatever the year has brought you so far, may the childlike energy of incoming April be yours!

Letter

Posted my heart with summer stamp

On letters bound for winter

Asked wind to send my kiss to tend

His freeze I’d failed to enter

Knocks on wood could do no good

Defeat scented our altar

Left counting crows in murderous rows

Death’s seal, my own deep water

.

.

Not Your Water

I am not your water

Elixir to sustain you

Oasis in your desert

Most welcome shower of rain

.

I am not your land

The place where you are headed

I cannot read your compass

It points somewhere else instead

.

I am not your business

Important and compelling

Emergency you should attend

A job you must do well

.

I am but a mirror

This is why you turn away

Facing your reflection

Hurts too much for you to stay

.

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This Day

This day is ours to sculpt and tend

Berate as foe, embrace as friend

Time is blank canvas, we the colour

Paint reddest rose and bluest river

Make beauty bright so others see

The radiance of your legacy

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House On The Hill

House on the hill is yellow now

Where once she fronted white

I wonder if time mellowed her

Or took away her fight

Dressed as a bride, square windows wide

Once gazed for miles with awe

She’s glazing as she muses

Over all she thinks she saw

Soft, swooning mist, rose sky she kissed

Swift darts of deer through green

How violet nights swept comet kites

To black holes never seen

As people came, loved, fought and wept

Her bricks held fast and strong

But crumbling like old wedding cake

She knows her turn won’t be long

.

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Green Prayer

Green dale of wonder veiled in frost

I trust you with my future

Drown troubled past in baths of mist

Bowl forth a bold adventure

Clothe hope in dew, to dangle, new

As jewels once dripped from kings

Make art of love and dough of hours

Bake idle hums as hymns

Where kindness grows, more seed be sown

For good deserves to prosper

If wind should shriek her heart to sea

Let rainbows arc in answer

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People Disappoint Us

People disappoint us

Though they may try their best

Still learning as we mill along

We’re students as we test

Mistakes are made as tempers fray

Cruel words are said in haste

We concentrate on all we lack

Whilst what we have….we waste

People disappoint us

But you’re only human too

Dwelling on their failings

Is time better spent on you

.

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Action

I licked my wounds as lollipops

As salt invaded sweet

Like slot machines, the pennies dropped

Obstructing both my feet.

Froze to the spot, I thought a lot

But thinking did no good

I dragged myself out of the rot

Action, my remedy.

Meanings

Letter

This is about a person or situation you cannot seem to penetrate no matter how you try, the frustration and resignation you feel every time you meet that brickwall. Knowing your ‘summer’ will be met by a harsh ‘winter’ can be draining.

Not Your Water

Sometimes you want to be someone’s everything but for whatever reason, you’re just not. They may be your moon and stars, but it’s like they barely give you a second thought, there’s a mismatch of energy. Obviously there are many reasons why this might happen but one of the explanations is that you offer a mirror to their own behaviours and it’s just too painful to deal with. I use ‘water’ to communicate this because it is the undisputed elixir of life. If you are someone’s water, you are their everything.

House On The Hill

Oh, the secrets walls could tell, eh? I wrote this about a real house that I can see from mine. it used to be white but someone painted it yellow. I once met a lady who had lived there. Once part of a happy family with young children, she doesn’t live there now, the marriage broke down and it was sold. I started thinking about all the house had endured emotionally, absorbed. Would it transmit to others? Be cleansed?

My own house was built circa 1840 and one of the things I like about old houses is all the stories that must lie within them, the comings and goings, love stories and tragedies- fascinating. In the poem, I liked the idea of the windows of the house as eyes, witnesses.

Green Prayer

I wrote this one feeling blissed out. I was out on the hills and sometimes the day just whisks you into it like you’re an important ingredient of a massive cake. You feel such harmony, belonging. The sun illuminates corners you forgot existed, you become Dr Doolittle interpreting each buzz and trill with ease, grass holds light like a translucent straw…… (No drugs were involved!!!)

The day I wrote this, I had been out for an early walk and felt such peace and trust in the natural world, confidence that it would rectify any wrongs done by humans. I am not religious but it felt like a prayer, hence the name, a simultaneous request and expression of appreciation.

This Day

This is about remembering the part you play in your own life, in this year, this day. Sometimes we feel like it is all happening around us and we have no power, but we do! We can choose to wishy wash around the edges of our canvas or strike it brazenly with our passion.

People Disappoint Us

So often we find ourselves disappointed in others. They let us down or don’t show up or react as we would expect or hope they would.

What is the answer? Becoming self sufficient? Lowering our expectations? I’d say a good start is humility and remembering that we screw up too.

Action

This one is about coming back after a period of wallowing. Sometimes your thoughts leave you unable to do anything. Stuck in the mud. Life overwhelms. This poems is about action being the key. Getting our physiology to kick start and trick our brain. In some ways it’s fake it til you make it, making yourself do stuff even when you don’t want to.

I hope you enjoyed these. You can show your appreciation with a comment, subscription or by buying me a coffee (although it is tea at the minute cause I have given it up!)