I never intended to be a mother. I lived with my grandparents from birth and so did my brother who was born 6 years later. I didn’t think that I had the skills to be a parent as I had never been parented myself.
After the birth of my son I felt detached almost surreal. No one spoke about postnatal depression in those days, you just got on with it. Fortunately he was a good baby, slept through the night and only woke up for feeds. We had no real interaction in those first months. Today he is an adult with a son of his own. My son never wanted any children either but his wife won the day.
You captured it all I think, from falling head long under this tiny creature’s spell to finding yourself transformed into a bloated dairy cow. It’s truly a woman thing… maybe this experience is why evolution shaped so differently the nature of feminine love from the masculine similar but rather different brand. Lovely and thoughtful piece, Julie 🥰
This hit me like a ton of bricks. Despite my yearning to be a mom, I was one who couldn’t deliver babies well. 24 hours of labor, emergency c-section, born almost dead with a big bruise on his head because he wasn’t ‘making the turn’ in my canal and in fact was pushed against a bone for 2 hours while all the vessels in my eyes burst from the effort. We were ecstatic he was alright. When we left the hospital my panicked thoughts were ‘Oh God! I’m no mom. I don’t know anything about this.’ These blessings of procreation can take a toll and it’s not often spoken of. Parenthood = simultaneously the happiest and hardest days of our lives. 🥹🤪🙏
Sounds traumatic, bless you. ❤️ Yes my son had to be taken to the Special Care Baby Unit as soon as he was born. Didn’t have him laid on to me like I’d expected/wanted.
Those first days as a new mum are bleary with weariness and a stumbling into the unknown. I hid behind the hospital bed curtains until I could go home!
The happiest and most content moment of my life was shortly after my daughter was born just before my 36th birthday.
Hubby had returned and was already at work,it was around 6:30 and our oldest who was only 17months had woken up and peered round the door of our bedroom.
I greeted him with a hello and a smile and patted the bed to prompt him to get in with us, he smiled and scrambled up into bed where I gave him a hug and a kiss and asked if he’d had a nice sleep, he nodded enthusiastically and gently stroked his feeding sister.
He’d taken to his sister the minute he’d clapped eyes on her and was quite protective swiftly putting his arms round her saying “she’s ours, you can’t have her” to anyone who dared to look at her.
He settled into bed and I asked if he would like to watch some tv while I was feeding, CBeebies it was then.
He chatted away and giggled away at the tv until I finished feeding and winding his sister, once done I laid in the bed at the side of me and turn and laid hugging and speaking to my son.
Must have been a good hour later I woke up, yes I’d nodded off and my most special, gorgeous little boy was laid there with his hands behind his head patiently watching tv in silence as not to disturb me.
At that moment I understood what my mum had been saying to me about how special he was.
His sister had wriggled while I was asleep and was snuggled up right into my back, at that moment I felt an overwhelming feeling of happiness, contentment and love for these two little creatures who were laid with me together in pure bliss.
I think it was one of those special moments in your life, that you know cannot be beaten or surpassed. Even thinking of it brings back the feeling of laying there, with my two favourite people in the world and has such a calming effect.
The oldest was recently 18 and the youngest is 17 in a few weeks, both are just starting out finding their way, honestly it’s scaring the shit out of me but I’m trying not to show it.
I never intended to be a mother. I lived with my grandparents from birth and so did my brother who was born 6 years later. I didn’t think that I had the skills to be a parent as I had never been parented myself.
After the birth of my son I felt detached almost surreal. No one spoke about postnatal depression in those days, you just got on with it. Fortunately he was a good baby, slept through the night and only woke up for feeds. We had no real interaction in those first months. Today he is an adult with a son of his own. My son never wanted any children either but his wife won the day.
I appreciate your honesty on here, Jan.
However parenthood ‘takes’ you, it’s certainly a game changer isn’t it?
You captured it all I think, from falling head long under this tiny creature’s spell to finding yourself transformed into a bloated dairy cow. It’s truly a woman thing… maybe this experience is why evolution shaped so differently the nature of feminine love from the masculine similar but rather different brand. Lovely and thoughtful piece, Julie 🥰
Thank you. I wrote this a few years ago now but had a little tear in my eye as I reread it today.
Me too as I read it! 🥰🥰🤗
This hit me like a ton of bricks. Despite my yearning to be a mom, I was one who couldn’t deliver babies well. 24 hours of labor, emergency c-section, born almost dead with a big bruise on his head because he wasn’t ‘making the turn’ in my canal and in fact was pushed against a bone for 2 hours while all the vessels in my eyes burst from the effort. We were ecstatic he was alright. When we left the hospital my panicked thoughts were ‘Oh God! I’m no mom. I don’t know anything about this.’ These blessings of procreation can take a toll and it’s not often spoken of. Parenthood = simultaneously the happiest and hardest days of our lives. 🥹🤪🙏
Sounds traumatic, bless you. ❤️ Yes my son had to be taken to the Special Care Baby Unit as soon as he was born. Didn’t have him laid on to me like I’d expected/wanted.
Oh this resonates, Julie! ❤️
I just reread it myself with a little tear in my eye ❤️
Those first days as a new mum are bleary with weariness and a stumbling into the unknown. I hid behind the hospital bed curtains until I could go home!
The happiest and most content moment of my life was shortly after my daughter was born just before my 36th birthday.
Hubby had returned and was already at work,it was around 6:30 and our oldest who was only 17months had woken up and peered round the door of our bedroom.
I greeted him with a hello and a smile and patted the bed to prompt him to get in with us, he smiled and scrambled up into bed where I gave him a hug and a kiss and asked if he’d had a nice sleep, he nodded enthusiastically and gently stroked his feeding sister.
He’d taken to his sister the minute he’d clapped eyes on her and was quite protective swiftly putting his arms round her saying “she’s ours, you can’t have her” to anyone who dared to look at her.
He settled into bed and I asked if he would like to watch some tv while I was feeding, CBeebies it was then.
He chatted away and giggled away at the tv until I finished feeding and winding his sister, once done I laid in the bed at the side of me and turn and laid hugging and speaking to my son.
Must have been a good hour later I woke up, yes I’d nodded off and my most special, gorgeous little boy was laid there with his hands behind his head patiently watching tv in silence as not to disturb me.
At that moment I understood what my mum had been saying to me about how special he was.
His sister had wriggled while I was asleep and was snuggled up right into my back, at that moment I felt an overwhelming feeling of happiness, contentment and love for these two little creatures who were laid with me together in pure bliss.
I think it was one of those special moments in your life, that you know cannot be beaten or surpassed. Even thinking of it brings back the feeling of laying there, with my two favourite people in the world and has such a calming effect.
The oldest was recently 18 and the youngest is 17 in a few weeks, both are just starting out finding their way, honestly it’s scaring the shit out of me but I’m trying not to show it.
Happy Mother’s Day to one and all xxx.
That’s a lovely little tale and yes he does sound very special.
What a beautiful memory xx
Real and beautiful.
Thank you for sharing this.
Glad it was relatable xx
To you too, lovely xx
Yes I get that.
Son said yesterday
“three (ie me, him and his dad)!people is my worst number because at least when there’s more than that the other person has someone to talk to”
We never know the path we didn’t travel, hey? Stay strong, you’re doing an amazing job xx
I’m at the gym. I just fuck off out😂😂
oh bless, that’s nice. I always call my son that. We laugh about it. Xxx