Life Raft Syndrome

The fallacy of left and right

Your cruise ship is sinking.

Or depending on how life’s been treating you, maybe it’s an ageing P&O ferry.

To the left of you is a red raft.

To the right of you, a blue one.

You survey those on each raft, and have to make a choice. Which seems the better bet?

“Blue raft for me”

Says a friend.

Yeah, you think, looking em over. These guys look successful, some of them talk plummy. They’re a bit ‘city slicker’, and they’re definitely not sharing their individual Fortnum and Mason hampers.

I like that! I’m a bit of a selfish cunt on the sly, too!

You think, climbing aboard.

Off you sail, enjoying the views of peasants from afar like an art fan appreciating a good Bruegel……….only to one day find yourself back at the same sinking ship you left!

“You mean……I’ve just been taken for a ride?”

You say.

“Well….If you’d have read the terms and conditions, you’ll see we never actually promised to save you….”

Not to worry though!

The red raft is still there!

Yay!

Hey - these guys look fun! In that ‘down and dirty’ festival kinda way. A colourful crowd, blue hair, nose rings and some are even drinking that ‘socialist champagne’ you once read about!

What’s not to love?

So you hop aboard, but after a few rounds of belting out Billy Bragg’s “New England”, you realise you are once again, still in the same place.

Perhaps this raft is powered by the farts of ‘plant based’ snacks because it sure as hell ain’t going anywhere either.

Fucks sake!

What to do!

In desperation you adjust your life jacket and decide to take your chances in the open sea.

You’ll risk the sharks in the ocean rather than the ones wearing masks on rafts.

And when you reach land - because you do because your limbs are strong, faith is stronger and your vision is now clear as a fucking bell - you spot the raft factory and go talk to an employee.

“So you mean, the SAME company make BOTH colour rafts?”

You enquire.

“Yeah. We can make other colours. Green is increasingly popular, in fact our red and blue models now have huge green stripes, but red and blue remain best sellers. People want familiarity, Tried and trusted failure. What mum and dad had! Gotta love nostalgia, hey?”

“But they’re shit!”

“Well, we rely on a marketing strategy of ‘better the devil you know’. Which is kind of amusing….seeing as we’re the same factory….”

“And what do you make them from, these rafts?”

“Oh, you know….panic, prejudice, fear. Keeps me in a job, hey? And people will always need life rafts, right? It’s stormy out there!”

And at that moment, you decide YOU ARE DONE with rafts of any colour.

You will make your own extremely seaworthy vessel and call her ‘Dignity’, just like Deacon Blue did!

Hell yeah!

All whilst reminding others of the power they hold RIGHT HERE RIGHT NOW in their own wonderfully capable minds and bodies.