I read this with a racing anticipation … with a bit of dread and sadness with and for her. I like the hope at the end, the realisation of her power. Thanks 🙏
The story is heartening. I feel it but was told I am the father and wasn't treated that way. Divorced, found someone else and moved to Georgia. I am still uncomfortable with going back.
I wanted it to retain some hope, that’s why I made the end of it the way I did. Never go back……only forwards. I hear the peaches in Georgia are fine. Enjoy them.:)
Yes, they are, also Arkansas has some pretty good peaches on Crowley’s Ridge. We had a really good peach orchard just down the road but Home Depot needed a distribution center, so they bought the land and removed the trees.
Ohhhh I love that. You’re taking another creative journey in writing. It’s honestly the best when we get these flows and just go with them. What a gift. ox
I found m bedroom to be my wonderful cocoon following my divorce. It’s where I came for solace and rejuvenation. But eventually a butterfly has to leave her cocoon. You’re ending brings great hope! ✨🤗💖
So sad this story.She sounds as if she is an older person.I think no one has time for her and she is fading away becoming invisible l think we do become invisible as we age and our life experience is voided.We are glad to be still here but sometimes like this person it becomes mundane.Thanks Julie this story makes me sad.Its so real.🌟🕊️😊.
It is interesting how we’re seen differently by the world as we age until finally, nothing.
Soap operas always showcase this for me. How peak storylines centre around those in their mid teens -40s. That sums it up for me. They are given lip service after that and before it but usually to highlight how they impact on some other member of the family.
Excellent writing. Even when you do 3rd person, you seem absolutely inside the head of the protagonist, with just enough distance to create new meaning and agency out of their circumstances. I like the metaphor of black mould for an absolutely toxic environment and dark mood, with the sense that this can be cleansed (if only temporarily or superficially) by a white storm, to be suffused with a red glow (and the photo does that justice) The story reminded me of one of Alan Moore’s 90’s graphic novel characters, the Glyph, with the sense of fading away as a person. Also reminds me of the monologue “The Size of Sally” by Limmy, about a woman fading away to a cellular level (which, although just an elaborate set up for a devastating punchline, is still a powerful piece of writing).
I like the idea of taking a word someone holds, that they use in a negative way, like ‘cell’ in this instance, and transforming it to give it new meaning thus changing the outcome for someone.
I’d like to be able to write something using third person the way Updike does, zooming in and out to give the differing perspectives of various people one day.
Oh, I don’t know those references, will Google them. Thank you for sharing them. :)
I know this is quite downbeat but I did try to give it an optimistic slant at the end. Maybe it comes across as naivety, I don’t know.
From a writing perspective, I wanted to use third person in a way that still felt very close and relatable, as it’s a skill I admire in others who effectively execute this.
I read this with a racing anticipation … with a bit of dread and sadness with and for her. I like the hope at the end, the realisation of her power. Thanks 🙏
Most of my stories are dark. I made a concerted effort to end on a note of optimism ❤️
I was hooked right in 😊
The story is heartening. I feel it but was told I am the father and wasn't treated that way. Divorced, found someone else and moved to Georgia. I am still uncomfortable with going back.
I wanted it to retain some hope, that’s why I made the end of it the way I did. Never go back……only forwards. I hear the peaches in Georgia are fine. Enjoy them.:)
Yes, they are, also Arkansas has some pretty good peaches on Crowley’s Ridge. We had a really good peach orchard just down the road but Home Depot needed a distribution center, so they bought the land and removed the trees.
I see it, Julie. Brilliant piece of writing. A tiny twinkle of hope at the end. ✨
Thank you. Yes, always hope ❤️😊
Nothing about this appears naive to me. Very deep very poignant very human. Excellent, even in the darkness.
I relate to what Simone said. You do third person so well. I also felt she was older. Great writing friend. ox
Thank you, lovely. Appreciated. X
Next step in that side of the writing journey is to add different characters and zip in and out of them.
Ohhhh I love that. You’re taking another creative journey in writing. It’s honestly the best when we get these flows and just go with them. What a gift. ox
I found m bedroom to be my wonderful cocoon following my divorce. It’s where I came for solace and rejuvenation. But eventually a butterfly has to leave her cocoon. You’re ending brings great hope! ✨🤗💖
Absolutely, lovelyxx
✨💖✨
So sad this story.She sounds as if she is an older person.I think no one has time for her and she is fading away becoming invisible l think we do become invisible as we age and our life experience is voided.We are glad to be still here but sometimes like this person it becomes mundane.Thanks Julie this story makes me sad.Its so real.🌟🕊️😊.
It is interesting how we’re seen differently by the world as we age until finally, nothing.
Soap operas always showcase this for me. How peak storylines centre around those in their mid teens -40s. That sums it up for me. They are given lip service after that and before it but usually to highlight how they impact on some other member of the family.
Amazing xx
Excellent writing. Even when you do 3rd person, you seem absolutely inside the head of the protagonist, with just enough distance to create new meaning and agency out of their circumstances. I like the metaphor of black mould for an absolutely toxic environment and dark mood, with the sense that this can be cleansed (if only temporarily or superficially) by a white storm, to be suffused with a red glow (and the photo does that justice) The story reminded me of one of Alan Moore’s 90’s graphic novel characters, the Glyph, with the sense of fading away as a person. Also reminds me of the monologue “The Size of Sally” by Limmy, about a woman fading away to a cellular level (which, although just an elaborate set up for a devastating punchline, is still a powerful piece of writing).
I like the idea of taking a word someone holds, that they use in a negative way, like ‘cell’ in this instance, and transforming it to give it new meaning thus changing the outcome for someone.
I’d like to be able to write something using third person the way Updike does, zooming in and out to give the differing perspectives of various people one day.
Oh, I don’t know those references, will Google them. Thank you for sharing them. :)
Yes, I did actually think it would be interesting to get inside the heads of other household members. That could be quite a twist.
https://youtu.be/cQyahecB-hA?si=AZ7oxRi_vX5_8ySC
Bleak, creative and sad - nailed it.
Thank you. I tried to make it hopeful at the end.
It was good, Julie, your writing always is 🫶🏼✨✨
Beautifully written. Quite heartbreaking...
Turn into even more of a miserable bitch than usual when I’m ill……
Xx
Hope you feel better soon xx
Thank you. Getting there. Xx
I know this is quite downbeat but I did try to give it an optimistic slant at the end. Maybe it comes across as naivety, I don’t know.
From a writing perspective, I wanted to use third person in a way that still felt very close and relatable, as it’s a skill I admire in others who effectively execute this.