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I put this up last night and am now thinking “Should I delete it? Does it make me sound weak, whiny or victim like?” Esp the audio.

I hope not cause I hate all that.

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No, the article doesn’t make you look weak or a victim. It shows the daily battle you have with the authorities who should be doing so much more to help you and your son.

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I can tell, by things you’ve said in the past about him. Loves school. I sincerely hope you find somewhere he can flourish and build on his strengths. ❤️

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He seems so bright and interesting and interested. He could flourish in the right environment. Mainstream Secondary schools are strange places these days though. I’m not sure I’d have been able to teach in one as they are now. They are all about control. Education only occurs if and when control has been achieved. I hope you find a solution. ❤️

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He is. So interested in the world. Particularly geography and history. Is currently researching all our family tree in his free time. Loves school, ironically.

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Oh Julie. Leaves me speechless it really does. I think about your lad and the post code situation you are in. It really does seem to depend on where you live as to the quality of the service on offer.

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It’s so stressful Janette.

I don’t want much. Just the basics. A place he can go every day like other kids and not worry they’re gonna phone me up. A place he can learn and have his needs met. That’s it.

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Anything but weak & whiny. More like strong & fiercely supportive of the son you love. Sometimes you must get exhausted with it all & want to run away. Just a usually simple thing of selecting a senior school becomes a nightmare. I felt exhausted just reading about your experiences. xx

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They have sent me everywhere looking at totally unsuitable placements . I have had to visit 3 different local authority areas at my own expense with no car.

And I’m still no nearer. It is exhausting, yes and very frustrating. X

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It is heartbreaking to read your story about the uphill battle with life and the authorities with your son. I cannot begin to comprehend what you are going through on a daily basis.

I have a granddaughter with Rett Syndrome, which embraces both physical and neurological issues. Margot is nearly 6 years and is in a wheelchair. She cannot walk or talk and has a permanent feeding tube in her stomach. My daughter-in-law says that it breaks her heart to know that Margot will never call her ‘mummy’. Although different to your situation, the battle with authorities is the same. My daughter-in-law says that the endless paperwork, emails and phone calls is a full time job. Fighting for literally everything for Margot on a daily basis. It took 9 months for a school to eventually accept her even with the pressure from Rett UK. The school’s excuse was that she was “too disabled”.

I wish you and your son the very best for the future x

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That’s right Jan.

The special/additional needs may be different but the battles are very much the same. And often what you receive is not worth the hassle. An example for us was direct payments.

For my son to attend a ‘normal’ activity without me, ie forest school, scouts, football etc he would need a 1:1 support.

To do this, instead of the support being readily available, the onus is on me to have to apply for direct payments to pay this person. I went through all this rigmarole once - all the paperwork, go for an interview at the council, got an accountant because it affects your tax - and all for 2 hrs a week he was ‘awarded’.

And sometimes he was too anxious to be persuaded to go anywhere.

For all the hassle it entailed for that crumb, when it came to renew it, I just didn’t bother. Why can’t they have a system where a child needs extra help and they just have a bank of people they pull from?

Crazy.

Love to your daughter in law and Margot. Xx

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As an ex primary school teacher for 15 years, I really do appreciate how hard this is. You have a class of 30, everyone needs to learn and be physically safe, so there is just no way to manage children like this without removing them if necessary. Harsh maybe but true.

The last school I taught in had a MBU (Moderately Behaviour Unit) which housed 12 children with 4 staff. They were taught coping strategies and when they were deemed ready, they would join their mainstream class for lessons with a staff member from the unit. If there were issues, they had to return to the unit. The unit staff were the only ones who could restrain if needed. Generally, these kids were able to join in mainstream more frequently over time.

I have no idea though what happened when they went to senior school.

And I see no reason to apologise for your 5 yr old fb post. It simply shows that you're a caring mum who has a child with genuine difficulties rather than a mum who has a badly behaved child and makes excuses.

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Thanks Gill.

He isn’t in the classroom, he sits with his TA in the library or break out room alone all day because his sensory issues mean he cannot cope with the classroom. They’ve tried unsuccessfully to introduce him to the class but it never works.

This is why finding a high school has been so tough because although a small rural school has been able to facilitate this bespoke arrangement, a busy high school cannot.

But the reason I find the “we have to exclude him” thing hard to take is because he has funding for 2:1 staff secured by the last head teacher so someone is always around as ‘back up’. He needn’t disrupt a class.

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A TA is great for supporting children with learning difficulties but only works up to a point for children with aggressive behaviour difficulties. There will only be certain teachers who are trained/allowed to physically restrain (often Head/ Deputy/Senco) and usually not that many, particularly in a small rural school. As in any job, staff obviously have a right to work in safety without fear of being attacked. I'm only small and many of the Y6 boys were a good head taller than me and a lot stronger; if one of them had physically attacked me they could done some serious damage.

Not that any of this helps you but it's the reality of the situation.

If there's no local school to meet his needs, would the LEA be prepared to fund a residential school? And would you be prepared to consider this as an option? You may have to take the offered school first, though, to show willing.

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You make some good points.

I know about the dangers of being attacked because I live with it and have no training and often no back up. And I asked for training once. Asked the council and was told I wasn’t allowed it because I wasn’t staff!

These kids exist though and regardless of what people’s rights at work are (and before I had him I have worked with these kind of kids so see that side too) there does need to be solutions in place for them. What those solutions are is the tricky part, isn’t it?

My worry with the high school is that atm he enjoys school. Once he has a bad experience and becomes a school refuser, I’m scuppered. I’ll just be hit with fines on top of everything else, because with a a violent child you can’t make them go, they will attack you.

Anyway….on we go eh? :)

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There's really no easy or obvious solution and I really feel for you because you have no respite.

If he refuses school you'll have it 24/7 so you really might need to look at residential for all your sakes. Xx

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If you want to look further, start with the witherslack group. They have schools in Yorkshire.

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The one he has got In with the bad ofsted is a witherslack one, sadly.💔

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March 28, 2023
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We just had a nice cuddle and he’s getting up now. He woke in the night having nightmares bless him.

New day. Xx

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March 27, 2023
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Thanks lovely. As I say, we’ve all got our shit to deal with but it’s such a shame that these systems are set up to make things harder than they ever should be. They hinder.

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March 27, 2023
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Thanks lovely. Back on the horse now.

On we go!x

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