That little girl deserved better for sure. I do hope that as an adult you found better. There are some who have suggested that those who have experienced difficulty during their young lives were more likely to see through the 2020 nonsense and I know you did (remember you from twitter very early on). So maybe that is a silver lining - not sure. xxx
Wow. So much pain here. I’m so sorry, Julie. No child should have to endure this, especially from someone who’s supposed to care for them. Breaks my heart.
I can understand that. But, then again, you wouldn’t be the same either. Sometimes it takes being hurt to learn how to be strong. That doesn’t make him right (honestly I think a swift kick in the you-know-what sounds like what he would need) and it’s certainly not fair, but despite what you went through, you made your own way. And I for one think you should be very proud of that.
I just couldn’t believe that. He didn’t recognise me. I could understand it now but it hadn’t been that long since I’d last seen him - and I was stood with my brother- who he did recognise.
Dear Julie, yes, it does feel good to get it all out and that you should. Thank you for laying bare all the horrible ways grownups let down children. You never deserved that. There is so much dysfunction in this world and I know there is a balance of so much good too. Seems media controls how much we hear. Doesn't always feel that way. We humans are left to our own devices. Only we can stop that. Cry out, forgive, let go, and move towards the life intended for us, for your child, for humanity. For better than what you were dealt. It's obvious you are the better. Where God comes into this with me personally, (and I know many question this) is that as the ultimate Father watches over us, he's like the good parent that laid down the goodness rules in the house and watches everyone break them day in and day out, often letting everything take it's course in the madness that is out of His control, due to a lot of not listening. Everyone involved pays as one bad kid/adult wreaks havoc over the home, neighborhood, school, etc.. Everyone is running all those punishing laps because of one bad seed. Miracles do occur, chances are given second by second, but ultimately our course is destined by choosing (that "free will" part) goodness, kindness, love, hope. That's the cure. That's walking in the light even when we don't believe. You walk in the light Julie. I am sending you tons of love. You're an incredible human, mum (I feel it), writer and thinker. I admire you for all the work it's taken to be here. oxox
Most of the time I don’t dwell on all of that tbh. If you have one good, strong parent it goes a long way - and I absolutely did, and do!
Yes, walking in the light is definitely the right way to go. I really think that after a while you become like those you surround yourself with so finding inspiring people who make the most of what they have is crucial. Practicing gratitude too 🥰😍
100% agree! One good parent, "the company you keep," and gratitude is honestly the medicine for living forward. You inspire me. I found you through Jess at The Rewind. Been a bit worried lately and praying peace over all our lives.
Bless you. It’s all about where we put our focus isn’t it? There are so many things we could worry about every day, give our attention to. The world always feels so fragile doesn’t it?
Oh gosh this hurt my heart so much. You deserved better. Sometimes the venting is the healing. Anger is just another emotion.
Thank you for sharing this, though it must be painful. It really made me think and I hope you don’t mind me sharing a little of my own story in return.
I did a piece this week for my dad’s birthday. I loved my dad, still do, but in more recent years, I’ve become acutely aware that my experience of growing up with my parents is wildly different from my middle brother’s. Our dad was military so went away a lot and I feel that he carries that feeling of continual rejection with him. I wouldn’t have said that I did but I can’t deny I grew up as a people pleaser and spent my youth trying to get attention from men. My conscious brain says I don’t feel rejected, my heart might argue otherwise. It’s like a whole new part of this giant puzzle that is my life has suddenly been revealed to me and I’m grateful I still have my therapist! He didn’t let me down in ways that your dad did, but he wasn’t perfect. He sometimes wasn’t there at all. Work always came first, as the military tends to do. How has the fact that we, his family, never came first carried through into the adult I am today and how do I reconcile that with the fact he was ultimately a kind and loving man?
Thank you again for sharing. Father’s Day isn’t a happy day all round for everyone. I’m sorry you didn’t have better.
Yes comparing the experience of a sibling is only natural I think. My brother was younger than us and I think he saw my father through a softer lens at the time due to not fully understanding all of what was going on.
None of us are perfect, are we? Who knows how our own kids (if we have them) will end up viewing us? I should probably be more compassionate myself.
As I read your every line, I could relate. Your own father was the one who's probably given you most of the sadness you've had to deal with throughout your life. I totally understand. Not all of us come from pristine, peaceful and stable backgrounds. I've had two fathers in my life and I'm not sure which was worse. lol. Yes, I have to laugh about it now, but, trying to maneuver through life with major rejection and still make life happen for myself (without growing up into an adult with too many choppy issues) is a never-ending road. I prayed and prayed last night about what to do today. Should I visit my step dad? Should I call him? What should I do? I knew he wasn't going to care one way or the other, but this morning I woke up and the words, "just call him." floated around in my mind. So I did. I gave my greeting and we were off the phone in less than 30 seconds, as he said he needed to eat. Okay. Well, at least I did my part.
We can’t pick ‘em, but we are who we are because of them, and maybe in spite of them, as I have said in my own analysis of my father, who repeated his misdeeds in a second marriage with his son. May you live and prosper knowing that it wasn’t your fault and that you will never repeat your “dad’s” behavior. We become wise through both negative and positive experiences. I hope life is more positive for you now.
This sounds like something one of my fictional characters would write about her dad. (His gendered species are not known for being actual "fathers", and he's no exception).
Found myself adding to this as more came to mind. Deary me - the gift that keeps on giving….
Because the more you put on paper, the more memories come flooding in. In a way, you’re severing toxic cords with your writing.
And look what a beautiful mum you are to your boy. You are a mother and father’s day in one, my friend 💙🙏
For all my ups and downs with my son’s dad, for all his failings he genuinely loves our son. I know that ❤️
That is so good to hear, happy for your boy 💙🩷
That little girl deserved better for sure. I do hope that as an adult you found better. There are some who have suggested that those who have experienced difficulty during their young lives were more likely to see through the 2020 nonsense and I know you did (remember you from twitter very early on). So maybe that is a silver lining - not sure. xxx
Yes I was banned and never reinstated on Twitter. 😞
Oh well!
Yes I’ve had to (and been able to) see through a lot of shit in my time that’s for sure! Our bullshit detectors grow stronger for it, eh? :)
Wow. So much pain here. I’m so sorry, Julie. No child should have to endure this, especially from someone who’s supposed to care for them. Breaks my heart.
Water under the bridge, hey? Just sometimes I think about how it could have been different.
I can understand that. But, then again, you wouldn’t be the same either. Sometimes it takes being hurt to learn how to be strong. That doesn’t make him right (honestly I think a swift kick in the you-know-what sounds like what he would need) and it’s certainly not fair, but despite what you went through, you made your own way. And I for one think you should be very proud of that.
And this is a safe space to vent. You’re better than him. That IS your higher self.
❤️ bless you xx
Yes. Yes you most certainly did deserve better. And that too, is all.
❤️
“For not recognising me, actually asking who I was - your own” my dad did the same but not at a funeral. I told him to f’off and never saw him again.
My mum used to say that we were like him whenever we played up, but I discovered that he wasn’t as bad as my mum said.
What it did do was make me swear that I would never be like him.
I just couldn’t believe that. He didn’t recognise me. I could understand it now but it hadn’t been that long since I’d last seen him - and I was stood with my brother- who he did recognise.
maybe he just did not want to see (guilt?) - whatever the reason it was in him not you
It wasn’t guilt, he saw and recognised my younger brother. Asked him who I was.
Dear Julie, yes, it does feel good to get it all out and that you should. Thank you for laying bare all the horrible ways grownups let down children. You never deserved that. There is so much dysfunction in this world and I know there is a balance of so much good too. Seems media controls how much we hear. Doesn't always feel that way. We humans are left to our own devices. Only we can stop that. Cry out, forgive, let go, and move towards the life intended for us, for your child, for humanity. For better than what you were dealt. It's obvious you are the better. Where God comes into this with me personally, (and I know many question this) is that as the ultimate Father watches over us, he's like the good parent that laid down the goodness rules in the house and watches everyone break them day in and day out, often letting everything take it's course in the madness that is out of His control, due to a lot of not listening. Everyone involved pays as one bad kid/adult wreaks havoc over the home, neighborhood, school, etc.. Everyone is running all those punishing laps because of one bad seed. Miracles do occur, chances are given second by second, but ultimately our course is destined by choosing (that "free will" part) goodness, kindness, love, hope. That's the cure. That's walking in the light even when we don't believe. You walk in the light Julie. I am sending you tons of love. You're an incredible human, mum (I feel it), writer and thinker. I admire you for all the work it's taken to be here. oxox
Thank you lovely. ❤️
Most of the time I don’t dwell on all of that tbh. If you have one good, strong parent it goes a long way - and I absolutely did, and do!
Yes, walking in the light is definitely the right way to go. I really think that after a while you become like those you surround yourself with so finding inspiring people who make the most of what they have is crucial. Practicing gratitude too 🥰😍
100% agree! One good parent, "the company you keep," and gratitude is honestly the medicine for living forward. You inspire me. I found you through Jess at The Rewind. Been a bit worried lately and praying peace over all our lives.
You are lovely. ox
Bless you. It’s all about where we put our focus isn’t it? There are so many things we could worry about every day, give our attention to. The world always feels so fragile doesn’t it?
Yet here we all are, still standing ❤️🔥
Yes. Still standing. No one is immune. ox
Oh gosh this hurt my heart so much. You deserved better. Sometimes the venting is the healing. Anger is just another emotion.
Thank you for sharing this, though it must be painful. It really made me think and I hope you don’t mind me sharing a little of my own story in return.
I did a piece this week for my dad’s birthday. I loved my dad, still do, but in more recent years, I’ve become acutely aware that my experience of growing up with my parents is wildly different from my middle brother’s. Our dad was military so went away a lot and I feel that he carries that feeling of continual rejection with him. I wouldn’t have said that I did but I can’t deny I grew up as a people pleaser and spent my youth trying to get attention from men. My conscious brain says I don’t feel rejected, my heart might argue otherwise. It’s like a whole new part of this giant puzzle that is my life has suddenly been revealed to me and I’m grateful I still have my therapist! He didn’t let me down in ways that your dad did, but he wasn’t perfect. He sometimes wasn’t there at all. Work always came first, as the military tends to do. How has the fact that we, his family, never came first carried through into the adult I am today and how do I reconcile that with the fact he was ultimately a kind and loving man?
Thank you again for sharing. Father’s Day isn’t a happy day all round for everyone. I’m sorry you didn’t have better.
Yes comparing the experience of a sibling is only natural I think. My brother was younger than us and I think he saw my father through a softer lens at the time due to not fully understanding all of what was going on.
None of us are perfect, are we? Who knows how our own kids (if we have them) will end up viewing us? I should probably be more compassionate myself.
It was a real learning curve for me to realise how different our realities had been, which sounds so obvious but it just wasn't for me, at the time.
No, indeed we aren't, but these sorts of things, unfortunately, teach us a better lesson than anything else might.
As I read your every line, I could relate. Your own father was the one who's probably given you most of the sadness you've had to deal with throughout your life. I totally understand. Not all of us come from pristine, peaceful and stable backgrounds. I've had two fathers in my life and I'm not sure which was worse. lol. Yes, I have to laugh about it now, but, trying to maneuver through life with major rejection and still make life happen for myself (without growing up into an adult with too many choppy issues) is a never-ending road. I prayed and prayed last night about what to do today. Should I visit my step dad? Should I call him? What should I do? I knew he wasn't going to care one way or the other, but this morning I woke up and the words, "just call him." floated around in my mind. So I did. I gave my greeting and we were off the phone in less than 30 seconds, as he said he needed to eat. Okay. Well, at least I did my part.
People huh?
As you say, you tried. Sending love xx
Likewise xo -Here’s to peaceful days ahead :)
Shheez, what a dick. So sorry you to experience that. Bless you darlin.
🫂
We can’t pick ‘em, but we are who we are because of them, and maybe in spite of them, as I have said in my own analysis of my father, who repeated his misdeeds in a second marriage with his son. May you live and prosper knowing that it wasn’t your fault and that you will never repeat your “dad’s” behavior. We become wise through both negative and positive experiences. I hope life is more positive for you now.
Respect for writing this! Brave, solid and I hope it brings relief and healing. Sorry your younger self went through this...
Made me stronger and showed me what not to do :)
And more importantly what to do and how to write too.
🤗
This sounds like something one of my fictional characters would write about her dad. (His gendered species are not known for being actual "fathers", and he's no exception).
It’s amazing you have become who you are. Credit to your mum and you I guess.
My dad was a lovely man, God rest his soul. Even so, we all have baggage to sort out. Mine was my mother’s neurosis.
We certainly do. Hope you have a lovely day tomorrow, Mike :)
Thank you. I think my kids are a bit more thankful 🤣🤣🤣
I know what it’s like to have had an utterly useless father. Made me determined never to let history repeat itself.
Yes, I know what you mean. And I had/have a wonderful mum. She is a blessing.
You are fortunate.
Had a great two weeks in the Greek Islands by the way. Reassured me that travelling alone won’t phase me in the future. Weather was glorious.
Oh Thats brilliant. Very pleased to hear it. I bet you feel really empowered now having faced that hurdle. There’ll be no stopping you🔥
It's okay to mourn for what you didn't get .♥️😊.Julie.