Ally

A musing about an encounter in a supermarket

Saw her today, bless.

Barely recognised her.

Looking so burnt out and sleep deprived, it felt like staring into a mirror.

Wandering the supermarket in a daze, a shadow of the confident pillar of calm I’d once envied at the mother and baby classes.

(She’d been one of those zen, gong bath, yoga mums.)

We were never really ‘friends’ as such. Just lived in the same town, attended the same groups

Both had kids with additional needs.

My first, her second.

It was an odd encounter, today.

Would work well as a scene in a play.

We’d say a few words about our respective kids, walk down an aisle, turn a corner, bump into each other again, mumble a few more words, wander a couple more aisles……

And so it went on.

This process.

Felt like a churn of cream or butter. A slow turning that gradually extracted what mattered. Solidified something.

A connection.

An understanding.

With each new run-in, she updated me a little more about her challenging home situation, as did I about mine.

As mothers of kids with SEN, we exchanged what we knew would neither be judged nor downplayed.

We empathised with knowing nods, furrowed brows and weary half smiles.

There were smatterings of dark humour.

We parted, and as I left the store, I wondered if I should have said it.

You know.

“We should go for a coffee sometime!”

But neither of us had.

Because, like I said, we’re not really friends.

We’re different characters, different interests, different world views…..

But sometimes, there are shared experiences that transcend all of those things, aren’t there?

We get each other’s situation.

And I thought…..

Actually, I don’t need to go for coffee with every SEN mum I vaguely know.

Not everyone has to become your best friend, do they?

Sometimes, it’s just enough knowing these people are out there.

Those who face the same or similar challenges.

Those whom when we randomly bump into them, we feel safe enough to let the mask slip, briefly release the pressure valve.

No context nor backstory is required.

They ‘get it’ because they live it too.

Whatever what ‘it’ might be.

Our allies.

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