A few melancholy poems

On an Autumn night….

I’m still struggling at the moment due to circumstances I’ve mentioned in other recent posts, and not feeling as chipper as I normally would be. Or at least, I think I normally would be - after too much time without friends, you do start to question these things!

Those issues should reach some sort of conclusion in the next month, or at least I expect them to……

As always, my poems are my therapy, my outlet. You’re all used to my bleak poetry by now! Since my son found this Substack not so long ago - yeah I know - I suddenly feel very exposed and keep alternating between making it private and public. It was always my (forgive the lame cliché) safe space.

But fuck it. Here I am.

Real.

Me.

Racing heart

My heart, it leapt a fence once

Distracted by a bright light

Went bounding, wilful as a pup

As high noon lusts for midnight

Hot on the heels of specks of dirt

Disguised as flecks of gold

Not understanding love a spell

Bewitching young and old

It crossed the bridge for heather moors

That glittered, purple Christmas

On it rolled, a reckless red

Suspended by false vistas

And suddenly the weather changed

Rain drench arrived with thunder

Dust revealed for all it was

Cursed is my heart, to wander

Fall

If I must never know your face

Perhaps it’s for the best

For sanctuary of my embrace

Could cause your soul unrest

Because you’d start to call it home

And contemplate not leaving

Investing in those fairytales

You thought you’d stopped believing

My body as your easy chair

My gaze, your heart shaped mirror

Cradled by twin candle flames

Each burning for the other

We’d watch the twitch of grass in sway

As swallows loop in flight

The creases leased by moon to waves

As stars converse with night

But walk away, stick to your path

The safe one by the wall

For mine has rocks and plunging drops

And you’re afraid to fall.

Game

I wish I’d been content to stay

In shallow water, safer bay

Brush brooding moods as straying crumbs

Have each new climb strengthen my limbs

Thought I was born a queen of fire

To call out darkness as a liar

But black dogs hound me to this wall

Insist that life’s a curtain call

.

A few times, I’ve come close to goal

Sought sanctuary in human soul

The sapping quest for mapping mirror

Saw fun house parodies delivered

Blue heavens must erode to hell

Angels fall as devils kill

Each tide decants you, empty shell

Exposed, collected, crushed at will

.

Lean in, to hear sea shanty song

Love sickness seldom lasts for long

I’m salted from each rescue mission

My heart, it screams as cloth ears listen

Peaches, honey haze, ’til bitter

Trinkets prized, ’til one day litter.

Money earned so time is saved

As candles burn, our path is paved

“When we get here”, “when we get there”

Freedom squashed as debts are squared

Breathe in til payday then exhale

Wind howls our grief, blows out our gale

Blessings we convert to fails

Stuffing knocked out, force lost from sails

New leaves, blank pages still remain

We wrap in metaphor, our pain

.

Dream sellers peddle bright balloons

That burst as drawn as flesh to thorns

Too scared to aim in case we miss

Our plans reduced to bucket lists

Arrange our pieces on the board

Aimlessly round, desire ignored.

We take our turn and roll the dice

All being patient, playing nice

We fake the talk and make the dinner

No ‘go back to the beginning’.

One day this ends, you’ll be a goner

Not everyone can be a winner.