Exit through The Gift Shop

A light-hearted ode to the humble gift shop

I do love a gift shop.

Yes, they’re often overpriced and sometimes tacky, but who doesn’t appreciate a lazy browse around one?

I enjoy the way weird, twee and generic converge, a community of random shops in one.

The smell of ‘new book’, the boxes of crap fudge. The stand of named door signs that make you feel about 99 when you realise none of them say ‘Julie’s Room’ anymore, but rather names like ‘Eva’, ‘Kendal’ and ‘Kyra’.

The way a few jars of marmalade are not out of place between a display of crochet brooches and a stack of limited edition art prints.

I’ve frequented a few of them of late, gift shops, generally, those attached to galleries and museums. The most recent one being yesterday in Harrogate. I got home and began reflecting on their quirky nature; the local produce, the not so local produce. The endearing and over-zealous staff I’ve encountered over the years.

I used to work at a Tourist Information gift shop myself, many years ago. I started to recall what we stocked and how we justified it being there. I remembered a sweet old lady who used to come in pitching her niche preserves, a man who made rugs. The snotty, arty types with their hammered silver and sea glass jewellery.

I loved opening the rattling glass jewellery cabinet with my set of tiny silver keys. Made me feel all responsible and grown up.

I have fond gift shop memories as a customer, too. I once bought a keyring from Madam Tussauds that looked like a lone finger. I remember buying lumps of freeze dried ‘astronaut food’ from The Space Centre in Houston. Bottles of green Palma Violet perfume from Cornwall.

Pens are always my go-to as keepsakes for others, because people will always need pens, won’t they? (Felt myself go all ’ology Maureen Lipman there)

Actually…….they probably don’t need them anymore, do they?

Oops.

Ah! Thank goodness for fridge magnets!

Hang on…..did anyone ever need a fridge magnet?

For myself, I tend to buy cards and postcards. Cards and postcards I promise I will frame one day, make a bit of a montage, you know? But instead, they remain in their faithful brown paper bag in *that* drawer - the one everyone has. In my house, *that drawer* is actually an old cat litter tray I decided I’d repurpose as an ‘in tray’ in the hope of paperwork not being left to stack up.

Oh, how I laugh at my good intentions!

Anyway, I digress…..

I wanted to write something lighthearted. Something that might make people smile a little after weeks of the media hyped (and sometimes, very real) doom.

So here it is. My ode to the humble gift shop.

Enjoy!

(cup of overpriced tea optional.)😉

Exit through the gift shop

Exit through the gift shop

Must be something that you need

A fountain pen, a keyring?

A pack of Sunflower seed?

Could I interest you in tea towels?

A fridge magnet instead?

A postcard of our waterfowl?

Or fair-trade gingerbread?

Could you use a small diffuser?

Does a book of quotes amuse?

A pencil or a ruler?

We have crystals you can choose!

Bar of soap, perhaps? A wind chime?

Organic vegan chocs?

A calendar of labradors?

Some knitted slouching socks?

Oh! The chutney? It’s from Putney

Yes, they have an urban farm

We say ‘local’…..we mean ‘British’

(Well it can’t do any harm!)

And you’ll find the piccalilli

By the biscuits marked ‘for cheese’

Next to oatcakes….yes, a silly name

(But Scots do as they please)

Is the honey worth the money?

Well it’s sourced from moorland heather

And the bookmarks are handcrafted

From ‘sustainable plant leather’

What with Christmas round the corner

Would be wise to make a start

Well don’t say I didn’t warn you

When we’ve no Lebkuchen hearts

Yes, Miss

Exit through the grift shop…..

GIFT SHOP! Cafè is next door

There’s not another one for miles

So, yes……we do charge more

You’re paying for the ambience

Not your usual cup of tea!

More ‘small splurge’ than extravagance

(The scowls we give for free)

Exit through the gift shop

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For our jobs depend on you

PS; If you enjoyed this piece you can find similar posts under ‘poetry’ or ‘musings’ tab on the home page. Thanks for reading.