Dealing with Dragons

A tongue in cheek monologue style short story.

Apple pips!

Find them everywhere!

I know, I know, I’m blessed!

Weaned on mangetout was my Talía!

Baby led.

Well, so much as an infant can…..

Lead.

It’s like I tell my ‘Mummas’, mothering is about about making it easy for little humans to make good choices!

We’re all naturally wired to do the right thing, after all!

And she’s six now - my Talía - and it’s all about apples!

Completely disinterested in sweets and chocolate!

Give her a bag of ‘Haribo Starmix’ and she’d probably try to thread them, god love her! Make a necklace with the jewel like pieces.

Sit her down with a Pink Lady, however and she’s in her element!

Simply devours them……right down to the core!

I put it down to the fruit platters I keep dotted around the house at child’s eye level.

“It’s imperative to get down on someone’s level”

I tell my ‘Mummas’.

Of course, depending where my workshop is being held, I wouldn’t always say ‘imperative’.

Sometimes, I replace it with ‘important’ or ‘good’.

‘Good’ always works.

Even in the most vibrant community centres.

******

You might have heard of me.

Annabelle Adam.

No ‘S’.

‘Raising Dragons’.

Made my name on Channel 5, just over 15 years ago.

Parenting expert.

Didn’t have children then.

After ‘Supernanny’, audiences demanded someone a bit more “I’m OK, you’re OK”, you see.

Delightful as dear Jo Frost was……..is (she’s not dead), she was……well…..of a certain era.  Parenting has moved on. Today’s modern mother is less ‘naughty step’, more ‘step up’, isn’t she?

So, I saw a gap in the market for something ‘whisperer’ and ran with it. Monetised that niche!

Franchises all over the West Midlands!

Still can’t pop into Solihull Waitrose without being quizzed about amber teething bracelets!

Mainly online now, of course.

Webinars. Zoom calls….

In a digital world, it’s imperative to have an online presence.

If I had to isolate my USP - unique selling point - I’d have to say it was communication.

I’m gifted with the ability of being able to talk to anyone.

Anyone!

And listen, of course!

Listening is imperative!

Two ears, one mouth!

My approach, can be summarised as mirroring!

I reflect back, which allows mother and child to feel heard.

So, if someone said ‘toilet’, I’d never reply with ‘loo’.

“Am I ok to use the toilet, Annabelle?”

“Yes”

I’ll say.

“The TOILET is over there!”

It’s as simple as that.

Reflecting back to someone in their own preferred wording.

Lounge, living room, sitting room.

Pudding, dessert, sweet.

Sofa, couch, settee.

I could go on….

They don’t even realise I’m doing it.

My clients.

My ‘Dragon Mummas’

Nuance.

But in a confusing world, everyone just wants to be understood, feel as though someone ‘gets’ them, literally speaks their language!

They say that Eskimos have 50 words for snow, don’t they?

Or is it Inuits……

*********

So……….fruit bowls.

Platters!

(Language matters!)

“You help yourself Talía!”

I say

“The fruit is yours, darling! Whatever you wish, whenever you like. Apart from mummy’s figs.”

(Boundaries!)

People aren’t creative enough with their fresh produce, I find. They prop a bunch of speckled bananas beside a couple of Jaffas and a red delicious and think that’s enough.

But children appreciate aesthetics just as much as the rest of us. They’re future adults!

If we’re raising discerning individuals, we have to be prepared for scrutiny. It’s not criticism!

But mothers can be so incredibly sensitive.

When I host my weekend retreats, the number of Mummas that end up crying with me……

“We’re birthing a new world and it’s going to hurt!”

I tell them.

We must prepare for pushback!

“Raise a dragon…… or raise a drag!”

I mean that in the sense of ‘bore’, you understand. Not drag in any other way.

I’m very inclusive.

*******

Judy’s looking over from her garden as I sort the recycling.

I say ‘garden’…..

More in the tradition of an American ‘yard’.

Lives next door, Judy does.

Alone.

Babyboomer.

Waving, she is.

I’ll give her a little wave back.

Don’t know what she does all day!

When I get to that age there’ll be no stopping me, honestly!

Italian conversation, wet felting, pottery, gong baths, hot yoga…..

But right now, I’m content to be a passionate recycler!

We all have to do our bit to save the planet, don’t we?

I despise waste!

You have to these days.

Brown container for this, blue one for that.

“Judy”

I said to Judy, a few months back.

“You have to have a system. Life is all about being organised. Methodical.”

And Judy does, now.

Have a system.

Not just for her recycling either.

For her pills!

Blood thinners, something to steady her nerves - valium? Possibly valium, something for the joints.

Takes a lot of medication…….I expect.

Her being a senior citizen.

(They don’t like to be called pensioners).

Christmas just gone, I bought her one of those pill box organisers.

I just knew she’d appreciate a practical gift like that. The elderly can get so forgetful, can’t they?

“Open it, come on, open it!”

I said to her.

“You know I’ll be in Val d'Isère on the actual day! I want to see you open it now!”

Her face was a picture!

“Well! What does one buy for the woman who has everything!”

I said.

“Chocolates or wine is my usual go to”

She said.

Bit dry, is Judy.

*********

Thought we might fall out a few weeks back.

Judy and I.

Over the extension.  Was not happy!

“Everyone has an Air BnB space these days, Judy.” I told her.

“You’ll love meeting the new people it attracts into the neighbourhood. Will be a new lease of life for you.”

It’s all been passed now but not before she’d put an objection in.

Block out her light!

I mean, really! HER light!

“Judy”

I told her.

“You can’t own light!”

But……I don’t bear grudges.

Life’s too short.

It’s like I said;

“Judy, it’s not for us minions to decide. It’s a matter for council officials. You have to go about things the right way, through the proper channels. There are processes, procedures.  My James being a councillor won’t even enter into it.”

And she settled down.

Haven’t had a bit of trouble after that.

I even wheeled her blue bin out for her last Thursday, just to show there was no bad feeling on my part.

She’s been amazing with Talía!

As soon as she was born, I told her

“You get full babysitting rights!”

Because the elderly love babies, don’t they?

I think it’s because they don’t judge.

And I’ve always encouraged Talia to call her ‘Auntie’.

It’s one of those things people used to do -refer to friends and neighbours as ‘Aunt’ or ‘Uncle’, isn’t it?  ‘Uncle Pete’ was pretty much a permanent fixture in our house when father was working away! Not sure how mother knew him, but - oh - they were close!

Anyway, I thought I’d reclaim it as a ‘lost community art’.

And Judy just loves being an honourary Auntie!

When Talia says  ‘Auntie Judy’, her face is a picture!

Thought ‘Nan’ might have struck the wrong note.

Senior citizens can be so sensitive.

They’re just like us, really.

Except old.

And besides, I couldn’t quite decide whether she’d have been a ‘Nan’ or a ‘Granny’.

As opposed to ‘Nanna’, ‘Nanny’ or ‘Grandma’, I mean.

And getting these things right is imperative!

Anyway, turns out ‘Auntie Judy’ is a bit of a ladybird expert! Who knew!

The ‘Good Life’ generation!

What they don’t know about aphid control isn’t worth knowing….

Precious little chat we ended up having the other day, Talia and I.

Yes, apparently ‘Auntie Judy’ pointed out to Talia, that our home has been blessed with some rare indoor ladybirds! Indoor ladybirds! Brownish red they are. Flatter than the outdoor variety.

Well, I didn’t even know such things existed!

But I’ve never been botanical. More interior.

Told Talía it meant our house was lucky!

Must take her over a macrame plant pot holder, give framing to her tradescantia! One of my ‘Dragon Mummas’ made it for me but I’m not a houseplant person. Shame to throw it away.

Oh there she is, waving again, bless her!

Judy.

Cheeky little glint in her eye!

Yes, I’ll pop right over, just as soon as I’ve swept up all these apple seeds from the floor.

I swear, I just saw one move!

Maybe I’m ready for pottery classes and gong baths already!